Hmmm

I don't know why it is hard for men to be satisfied with their girl or wife. Is it because we lack something and their looking for that missing thing? For the second time I was hurt and cheated by an older guy. I told you before I am good at catching men. I can feel if someone is cheating on me. I keep asking what's wrong, what someone has to deceive me. I always mean what I say and honest with everything I do. I am not like other women who would play around, ask for money and cheat. I am not an asshole. As much as possible I wanna respect my partner because I expect the same thing. I am thinking maybe it's their fault what they do it because they think I can easily leave them. I am young and should I say pretty but it's too shallow if that is enough reason for me to deceive and lose the trust of my loved one. But there, it happened again. I am scared and sometimes doubtful. Once he asked me when he asked me that he wanted me to be his girl. He thinks that I don't remember. But I do. I keep track and remember things. He doesn't even know when I said I love him back. Too bad.

Although, I have forgiven him, I still feel scared that one day, it's gonna repeat. I hope not. I love Armando. It doesn't matter if he is way too much older than I am. Now I understand why some women go for older guys. Not all of them are after the money. They are really in love. That's what I feel right now. I love him. Hopefully he is not going to hurt me. Never again.

Sometimes, I envy my cousin or those girls who can easily milk men for money and just leave. Should I do the same way and get even? That's what they say. Be ruthless and heartless because they are doing the same thing. Well... as I said I forgave him. Even if our relationship was scarred and tinged with doubt, I would still believe in him. Unless I catch another girl sending him messages then I will just give up. It's not gonna be my loss anymore.

I hope and pray that this time my love for Armando will not go down the drain. I am asking God again for a sign if he is the right one. I dont wanna get hurt again. I have been through a lot of things. I don't deserve getting hurt because I don't wanna hurt other people. I wish God will send me a sign that this time he is honest and he will be mine for the rest of my life.

I Just Have My Smile Back

I was really hurt last week when Robert played with my feelings. But now, I don't regret losing him. After all, my personality will not work with Americans who think themselves as mighty high, superior to everyone and chauvinist.

I found someone who I can and will give my heart. I feel so secured with him. Just like me he is jealous too. Armando is someone that I can take care and love forever. I promise to myself that he is the only one that I am going to love with all my heart. I will never ever do harm in our relationship.

Rain

I used to love the rain...It reminded me of my happy childhood days; things that are capable of growing and recovering from drought. It made me smile because after the rain, there's always a rainbow and they at the edge of the rainbow, there is a pot of gold....

But now, I don't wanna look for that gold. I don't like the rain. I hate it when it rains. I don't easy the rainbow. I can only see dark clouds. I can see the reflection of how dark my life if. It is traumatizing. Rain reminds me of my hardships and my failures. Because that day, when it rained so hard...I tried to wait for the rainbow, it didn't and never come....

How Could I?

Why do I fall in love so fast? I should not act like this. Maybe this is reason why he disrespected me. He thinks that I am an easy girl. I don't know how to get over this feeling. Wish there's a way for me to do it. There's only myself to blame now. Sometmes, I really act so stupid.

My Failure

I feel pity for those victims of the typhoon Ondong. If I could find a way to help, I will volunteer myself. But right now I can only give old clothes and noodles for them to have food and clothing.

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I am glad that I am feeling better now. I got sick when I had to walk and cross the flooded street. It was cold and raining so heavy. The wind was blowing so hard might be the reason why I fell of the bus when I was trying to climb. I still feel lucky because I am alive. That's something I wanna thank God. I have another thing to thank. My job is going better. It helps me and my family.

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Well....not all the time I am lucky. Maybe when it comes to love, I am a failure. Maybe because when I love, I give everything. I should have learned that lesson 8 years ago. Now history repeats itself. I thought when I go for an old guy, he would be someone loyal, trustworthy, honest and faithful. Maybe I didn't make it clear that respect is also very important.

You just don't know how much I feel right now. I treated him so important in my life. I respected him as much as I love him. I didn't think that he would treat me like this. I waited for him yesterday because he said he would be online. I am glad because internet is there to bridge the distance that we have. Communication itself is very important. But I didn't know that it would make him angry. I didn't want to disturb him at work but I thought he was calling but the cafe didn't allow my phone to have signal. So I was worried that he would think I was ignoring him.

You see, I always take into consideration his feelings and thoughts. But what did he do? He shouted at me. He was the one angry. I was trying to understand him. He needed sleep and rest. He could have sent me message saying he was sorry because he was tired. I am not that dumb not to understand. I feel so unappreciated and I don't know what to do now. He even called me a psycho. What do I expect? He is just a typical American who looks at himself as mighty high, who can't say sorry and always right. I should have not rushed... Because right now I am just too hurt that what I am telling you isn't enough to describe what I feel.

What Will Make Me Marry Without Any Second Thought

A lotta guys are curious about what my standards are, my likes and dislikes, etc...or what will make me marry him without any second thoughts. I thought hard. Aside from the preferences that I have blogged previously, there i s still exception to it. If only there's a man who will invite me himself to the church where I always pray...man, if he pops the question I will marry him right away even if we don't undergo courtship. Or if he gives me a white rose plant not just a bouquet. Although I prefer to have the former. I want him not to be some sort of "too prayerful or religious" but at least fears and believe in God.

Regarding the other questions that they have...Like what if he is youner than the ones I typically like. As I always say the reason why I choose an older guy because I know he is tired of flirting, ogling and playing. If he can love and accept me the way I am. Always loyal, faithful and honest. Why not have him as my lifetime partner.

Hmp!

I think I made the right choice to control myself from liking him. Guess what? His real color has showed up. He is not the good guy that impressed me. He is rude. I think that's because if I am going to translate it to Tagalog, "asal-kalye". Anyway, I met him in the world full of lies and fraud. At least, I know that I don't deserve someone like him.

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It may seem that i am not that lucky when it comes to my love life. I always fail because I go to the wrong direction. I am trying to correct it. I'd still stick to my liking to older guys. Just like how I will take care of him, I know he will pamper and take care of me too.

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No matter how my love life is erratic, I am lucky because my job is leading me somewhere. I wish I will continue having this kind of status. Love what I am achieving right now.